i am back in potsdam and semi-homeless! i signed a nine month lease yesterday, but the apartment isn't ready until tomorrow.. BUT she was pretty confident the guy would be out by noon today and i could stay there tonight. i couldn't bring myself to pay $80 to sleep in a hotel last night for 5 hours, so i bonded with clementine. and that's right, i said nine month lease. i'm hoping for a miracle to find someone to sublet it in december.

to combat the loneliness, i rented no exit and three other plays by the always cheery jean-paul sartre. i love his miserable cynicism. it makes some people feel hopeless, but it actually makes me feel better. existentialism is daunting; embracing the notion that there is no real point to anything breathes a whole new life into the exciting possibilities of life. i have felt for a while that everyone says the same thing, only in different ways. we create all of these out-groups and in-groups to give life some sort of bearing, points of references, but we're all saying the same thing. i always liked the line from house of leaves that if you "change your perspective, everything else seems to change". but also if you change your perspective, you will see yourself. you cannot understand yourself without understanding others.. which is one reason hell is other people perhaps.